you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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