She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We are two peas in an std pod
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
