I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can't turn off my feet"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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