I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
