i just had sex bonerless
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
