it was like eating out sand paper
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
