he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
