new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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