Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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