This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
