I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
