u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
