im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
