He asked to "fluff my boner.."
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
