she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
