He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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