Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
