She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
