Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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