Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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