Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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