Don't you send me to vm
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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