I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
