The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
