I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
