her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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