Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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