We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
