hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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