He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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