I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
