and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so let's talk penis.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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