I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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