Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
