can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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