just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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