Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
