I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
