And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
