In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
