I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
