My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
