She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
