When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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