i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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