She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
