My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
