A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
