sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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