Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I pour the whiskey from now on
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
