I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
