I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
