hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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